


Fools In Love

by SparkGoddess



Category: Actor RPF, Benedict Cumberbatch - Fandom, British Actor RPF, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Emotional, F/M, Heartbreak, Letter, Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-03
Updated: 2014-04-03
Packaged: 2018-01-18 02:15:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1411225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparkGoddess/pseuds/SparkGoddess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Fools in love, are there any other kinds of lovers?<br/>Fools in love, is there any other kind of pain?" - Inara George</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fools In Love

I used to believe in fairy tales when I was little. I dreamed that a handsome man in a white horse would come and rescue me from my dreary life and take me off to adventure and we'd live happily ever after. 

That's the dream that I always clinged to. That one day that man would come into my life and that I'd finally get to be happy like everyone else around me. That my life would somehow be complete and that happiness would be boundless.

When I met Benedict on that Jet plane, I thought that everything had finally lined up. That I'd found someone that could be a Prince Charming. That I could fall into and let all these walls drop down finally.

If only I could go back in time, If I could tell myself to stop, to just fall asleep and not talk to him. To not kiss him, to not let myself tumble down this endless dark tunnel that they call love. 

Oh what a cruel joke love is. Love now keeps me still. It keeps me in fear, in the shadows. I don't feel the freedom I once had anymore. I don't have a life. I just have him. His smile, his fame, his promises that always fall short.

I'm a caged bird surrounded by broken promises, flowers, gifts that don't matter. He matters.. mattered. I can hardly get him on the phone some days and when I do it's for minutes at a time. There's never enough time. There's only him and his life it seems.

"I miss you" I say into the phone and I hear shuffling on the other line before the line drops and my heart sinks. I close my eyes and take a deep breath before I put the phone down gently so I don't throw it against the wall. I can't do this anymore. I can't see the endless news updates about him all over the world, about his new projects, about this, about that.

I don't exist in his world. I thought I did but I'm a fool for falling for someone that is the world's. That might never feel the same way I do. A fool in love.. all those stupid songs start to make sense when I sit in my apartment alone. When I let the emotions wash over me and weep.

We'd talked about us and his career to the point that I could practically recite his speech to me by memory. He tried to make it better and on the rare occasion that I'd get to see him, he would make an effort. We'd go out somewhere private and have dinner. 

I tried to stay in the moment but I wasn't very good at hiding how I felt. He'd pull away from me and I faked a smile as we walked out of the restaurant. The silence was the worst part because I knew exactly what would come next. Raised voices repeating the same words until I couldn't hold back the tears.

He would move to me, hold me against him to try to make it better but every visit, every argument had taken it's toll.

"Dear Benedict, 

You told me it wouldn't be easy and I didn't listen because my foolish heart still believed that love.. That it made everything possible. That we'd somehow make it work but it doesn't. It's not a band-aid that constantly heals all wounds or will somehow repair my now shattered heart.

It's all a lie. All of it. I can't.. I'm sorry.. I can't do this anymore. I doubt you care or that it'll change anything but I needed to write this to you. You're free again. Free of whatever feelings you might have had. Of the burden and obligation I was.

I hope you have a wonderful life. I'll try to the do the same"

I write with love at the end but don't feel it. I don't know what I feel anymore. I hit send and take a shaky breath before I get up and walk around my apartment. Letting everything sink in and then it begins.

Remembering his smile, his laugh, his touch. I can feel his fingers on my body again. I can hear his voice in my ear and I can't breath for a second when I feel the world spin around me. Memories flooding my mind. So many yet so few and I fall back, hitting the nearest wall with a thud.

I'm panting now, my heart racing as I slide down the wall. Love is the cruelest joke of all.

**Author's Note:**

> This based on the RP that I wrote with Lisa. "Fly Away With Me" & "Discovering You & Me" It had to end somehow and real life doesn't bring us all happy endings.


End file.
